Diary of a Fat Girl

Finding Fun In Torture

Diary of a Fat Girl – Day 6

I was feeling pretty good today but a little frustrated. At the start of Mobile Fit, my trainer explained that I had to give my body a day off between exercises so that my muscles could regroup. I heard her words, and I felt the pain. However, I was so hyped up that I wanted to keep going. However, I stayed home today and relaxed.

Yesterday at the gym, I bumped into an old classmate. She was on the elliptical, sweating and smiling at me. Then she rolled her eyes.

“If gaining weight was such torture, I would have avoided it in the first place.” I laughed and nodded in agreement as she continued her smile and breathed heavily.

My first time on the elliptical, I thought my heart would race out of my chest, and my legs would fall off. I couldn’t catch my breath, dripping with sweat, and could barely keep my balance. After that, I understood my friend’s remark about being overweight as torturous.

While gaining weight, I didn’t take the time to think about what kind of suffering I would endure by eating that bag of chips and following it with a 20-ounce cola. When I am home after a long day at the office, the first thing I would grab is my comfort foods, followed by the remote and mindless eating to a night’s worth of television.

Wouldn’t feeling tortured on an exercise machine be another motivating factor for others to stay at a healthy weight? 

So many Americans today are obese because gaining weight seems too easy. We live in a society where socialization requires consuming mass quantities of food and beverages. As a human race, we naturally avoid anything that would cause conflict to ourselves and harm to our bodies. Inevitably, our bodies’ massive weight creates a challenging exercise program. The average obese individual is at least 100 pounds overweight. Considering this, when an obese individual walks on a treadmill, they walk as if carrying 100 pounds worth of dumbbells.

We need a motivational coach to remind us that exercising is good for our bodies and encourage us to keep going. Sometimes we find our motivational coach in our trainers; others are our family, friends, or co-workers. 

I teamed up with my husband, and we motivated each other in our new healthy lifestyle. Finding an exercise partner to encourage me and hold me accountable was a great start, especially during those times when I was lacking in energy. Finding a sport that I like is another motivating factor. I like to swim, play basketball, play tennis, and holler at my nephew to run toward that goal line at his football games. (I don’t think yelling counts, but jumping up and down does!)

When I find myself in front of that television, I put down those chips and switch through the stations until I find a motivating show to watch. Of course, many people like to watch The Biggest Loser or Dance Your Ass Off. Both of which are excellent means of motivation. I, however, enjoy Wipeout!

I enjoy it because I watch people of all different shapes, sizes, and athletic abilities compete for cash prizes. The contestants are humorous because they know what to expect and still tackle the ridiculous obstacles. They rally up every ounce of energy they have to complete the course even though they have fallen flat on their faces, got punched in the groin, or bounced off the big red balls. In the end, their heart rates were up, and they got an excellent workout. 

Tonight, I watched them pair up on blind dates. The couples had to encourage each other and learn teamwork skills to make it through each obstacle. Effectively, these people are getting a great workout for the fun of it and for the cash prize. I had a good laugh when I heard a lady on one of the previews for the next show say, “Come on, Fat Boy!” 

So, if it was easy to gain weight, why can’t it be easy to lose weight?

If I think about it, it was not easy to gain weight. To gain nearly 120 pounds and maintain it, I had to spend a lot more money on food than I needed. I had to carry each and every single bag into the home and place twice the amount of groceries in their appropriate place. I had to work twice as hard to make twice as much food. I had to suffer through late-night heartburn and early-morning grogginess. I constantly worried that if I overate, it would make me vomit. I was more susceptible to illness and spent more money on doctor bills, and the added weight made it more difficult for me to move around. 

That doesn’t seem too bad, but when I look back, I can see that the one torturous thing I did to myself, above all others, was suffering through the pains of infertility. I had been silently torturing myself for the last 15 years with months of negative pregnancy tests followed by nights of emotional fits. The tears wouldn’t stop, and the emotional pain was excruciating. The joy of finally conceiving an egg was quickly crushed by the immediate miscarriage of a child I had dreamed of for so long. Then the ups and downs of fertility treatments would only lead me into a deep depression. 

It wasn’t until recently, when I had my wake-up call, that I discovered it was time to make a change and reward myself by making my life a lot easier and healthier for the ones I love and for me. Right now, I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. I know it will not be easy, but I will manage to find a way to make it fun and challenging so it doesn’t seem torturous. I have a co-worker who is a workout enthusiast that I can lean on for support during working hours, my trainer who can encourage me to do more and train harder, and finally, my husband, who is my accountability partner, giving me support and showing me new and healthier types of food to eat. He and I are there for each other day in and day out, and to date, Richie has lost 26 pounds, and I have lost nine pounds. 

 “I love that man of mine!”