Diary of a Fat Girl

Finding Fun In Torture

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Diary of a Fat Girl – Day 6

I was feeling pretty good today, but a little frustrated.  At the start of Mobile Fit, my trainer explained to me that I had to give my body a day off between exercises so that my muscles could regroup.  I heard her words, I feel the pain, but I am so hyped up that I want to keep going.  However, I stayed home today and relaxed.

Yesterday at the gym, I bumped into an old classmate.  She was on the elliptical working up a sweat and smiled at me then she rolled her eyes.

“If gaining weight was such torture, I would have avoided it in the first place.”  I laughed and nodded my head in agreement as she continued to smile and breathed heavily.

My first time on the elliptical, I thought my heart was going to race out of my chest and that my legs were going to fall off.  I could barely catch my breath, was dripping with sweat and barely able to keep my balance at the end.  I understood my friend’s remark about being overweight as torturous.

While gaining the weight, I didn’t take the time to think about what kind of suffering I would endure by eating that bag of chips and following it with a 20 ounce cola.  When I am home after a long day at the office, the first thing I would grab is my comfort foods followed by the remote and mindless eating to a night’s worth of television.

Wouldn’t feeling tortured on an exercise machine be another motivating factor for others to stay at a healthy weight? 

So many Americans today are obese because gaining weight seems to be too easy.  We live in a society where socialization requires consumption of mass quantities of food and beverages.  As a human race, we naturally avoid anything that would cause conflict to ourselves and harm to our bodies.  Inevitably, the massive amount of weight that our bodies carry creates a very difficulty exercise program for us.  The average obese individual is at least 100 pounds overweight.  Considering this, when an obese individual walks on a treadmill, they are walking as if they are carrying 100 pounds worth of dumbbells.

We need a motivational coach to remind us that exercising is good for our bodies and encourage us to keep going.  Sometimes we find our motivational coach in our trainers; others are our family, friends, or co-workers. 

I teamed up with my husband and we are motivating each other in our new healthy lifestyle.  Finding an exercise partner to encourage me and hold me accountable was a great start, especially during those times when I was lacking in energy.  Finding a sport that I like is another motivating factor.  I like to swim, play basketball, play tennis, and holler at my nephew to run towards that goal line at his football games.  (I don’t think yelling counts, but jumping up and down does!)

When I do find myself in front of that television, I put down those chips and switch through the stations until I find a motivating show to watch.  Many people like to watch The Biggest Loser or Dance Your Ass Off.  Both of which are excellent means of motivation.  I, however, enjoy Wipeout!

I enjoy it, because I get to watch people of all different shapes, sizes and athletic abilities compete for cash prizes.  The contestants of this show give off an air of humor because they know what to expect and they still tackle the ridiculous obstacles.  They rally up every ounce of energy they have to complete the course even though they have fallen flat on their faces, got punched in the groin, or bounced off of the big red balls.  In the end, their heart rates are up and they got an excellent workout. 

Tonight, I watched them pair up on blind dates.  The couples had to encourage each other and learn teamwork skills to make it through each obstacle.  Effectively, these people are getting a great workout for the fun of it and for the cash prize.  I had a good laugh when I heard a lady on one of the previews for the next show say, “Come on, Fat Boy!” 

So, if it was easy to gain weight, why can’t it be easy to lose the weight?

If I think about it, it was not that easy to gain the weight after all.  For me, to gain nearly 120 pounds and maintain it, I had to spend a lot more money on food than I needed to.  I had to carry each and every single bag into the home and place twice the amount of groceries in their appropriate place.  I had to work twice as hard to make twice as much food.  I had to suffer through late night heartburn and early morning grogginess.  I was in constant worry that if I ate too much it would make me vomit.  I was more susceptible to illness and spent more money on doctor bills, and the added weight made it more difficult for me to move around. 

That doesn’t seem too bad, but when I look back I can see that the one torturous thing I did to myself above all others was suffering through the pains of infertility.  In essence, I had been silently torturing myself for the last 15 years.  Months of negative pregnancy tests followed by nights of emotional fits.  The tears wouldn’t stop and the emotional pain was excruciating.  The joy of finally conceiving an egg was quickly crushed by the immediate miscarriage of a child that I had dreamed of for so long.  Then the ups and downs of fertility treatments would only lead me into deep depression. 

It wasn’t until recently when I had my wake-up call that I discovered it was time to make a change and actually reward myself by making my life a lot easier and healthier for me and the ones I love.  Right now, I know I have a lot of work ahead of me.  I know that it will not be easy, but I will manage to find a way to make it fun and challenging so it doesn’t seem torturous.  I have a co-worker who is a workout enthusiast that I can lean on for support during the working hours, my trainer who can encourage me to do more and train harder and finally my husband who is my accountability partner; giving me support and showing me new and healthier types of food to eat. He and I are there for each other day in and day out, and to date, Richie has lost 26 pounds and I have lost nine pounds. 

 “I love that man of mine!”