Diary of a Fat Girl – Day 258
I am already sick of this diet. I don’t want another salad. I don’t want any more steamed vegetables. I am tired of only having two servings of fruit in one day. Most of all, I want to be able to sleep in the mornings without the sudden urgency from my bladder for a release.
I woke up this morning and went straight to my computer to write. I realized that I was so focused on this diet and the preparation of the meals that I had not made time for writing. Instead of my warm glass of water with lemon as soon as I woke, I wrote.
Then, a hot steaming mug of lemon water was placed in between me and my keyboard. My lip curled as a brief thought about this diet crossed the neurons in my brain.
“I thought you were making the smoothies this morning,” My husband questioned.
I just snorted and drank the lemon water as I continued typing. I barely noticed my husband leaving a tall yogurt and fruit-filled glass beside my keyboard as he walked out the door for class. Absently sipping away at my breakfast, I continued to type the morning away; diving into scene after scene of a depressed little girl struggling to find happiness.
Several hours later, the door opened and my husband returned from his classes.
“You haven’t left, yet?” I said as I averted my eyes from the computer screen.
“Left?! I left hours ago,” he said in a shrill voice as he kissed the top of my head and continued to the kitchen. I shrugged my shoulders and returned to my story .
“What would you like on your salad, dear?” He asked.
“That’s nice!” I said, oblivious to what he had just asked.
After a few moments, my stomach began to gurgle. I realized that it was time for lunch and stepped away from my story to feed the hunger pains. I walked into the kitchen where my husband was diligently slicing up the vegetables for the salad. My lips curled as I thought about shoving another fork full of vegetables into my mouth. They were beginning to taste bland, and I was getting tired of it. But, I dutifully ate my salad and continued on with the rest of my day.
Watching the television, my eyes glazed over as I mulled over the spinach, carrots, cucumber, and mushrooms that I had chewed on earlier and I became angry. My anger seethed and fumed until it became a full explosion.
I began to blame Dr. Mike for coming out with this “ridiculous” diet, but quickly became frustrated when I remembered that he was encouraging healthy eating. Then, I found the conglomerate I wanted to blame.
They only care about the bottom line and want to sell you their goods. What better way to get you to buy their products than to add more salt, sugar, and trans-fat to their foods to make it taste better than the all natural foods? They also make sure farmers are not able to price their whole goods lower than the unhealthy foods so that food manufacturers guarantee a quick profit. Shame on them!
I began to take stock as to what we needed for purchases. Here we are at 5 days into this diet and we already have to buy more food. I estimate that it will cost me another $50 in food. We cannot afford this on our meager food budget. What I will have already purchased for two weeks worth of food on this diet is the equivalent of our entire month’s budget. How am I going to manage the last two weeks at the end of this month?
I became so angry that I was ready to throw away this diet. When Richie came home from work, I told him how I felt about this diet (threw in a few colorful words), and like the diligent husband that he is, Richie and I went to a restaurant for dinner.
We threw away the diet. We ordered corn-filled, sodium enriched, topped with oozing cheese meals. It was tasty!
Then we purchased chocolate eggs, mint flavored cookies, and peanut butter bars, which melted in our mouths!
Afterwards, my husband and I agreed that we could not completely throw away this diet. We had made a commitment to ourselves and we had already purchased all of the healthy foods. We briefly spoke about quitting after the first cycle because our budget was screaming at us to take a break. Maybe the next cycle will alleviate the pain in our wallet!
My tummy hurts. I’m going to bed.