Diary of a Fat Girl

The Power of Self-Control


Weight:  244 lbs.

I watched The Doctors earlier this week, and Dr. Lisa Masterson discussed a topic that plagued my existence for many years – Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). She indicated that insulin levels play a role in PCOS and that losing weight is the key to achieving pregnancy.

I had suspected my weight had something to do with my infertility issues. I lost nearly 30 pounds last year, but I need to lose more. I need to combine my diet and exercise to achieve a healthy weight. I also need to cut out that sugar, which builds and feeds fat cells. The sugar also messes with my hormones which contributes to my PCOS.

After my nephew was born last year, I found peace with my infertility. Combine that with the loss of my job, and I lost my motivation to continue my work for a healthy lifestyle. Dr. Lisa said there is hope for women with PCOS, and losing excess weight will ensure a chance of pregnancy. I found my motivation again.

The overwhelming knowledge that the one thing I have the power to control but don’t use is the very thing that is holding me back from having a child of my own. I can control what I eat. I have the power within me to say “no” to sweets. If I could physically kick myself right now, I would do it until my butt cheeks were red.

This is why no egg will grow, and no baby will stick around. The immense sugar intake poisoned my blood. I created a hostile environment where no fetus would reside.

I am making the decision and exercising my power of control today. I will no longer eat sweets that poison my veins and discourage egg growth. I will no longer crave candy bars and ice cream. I will eat healthy foods in moderation. I will crave fruits and vegetables. I will exercise daily, and I will lose this weight, ultimately achieving a healthy pregnancy once and for all.