“On getting rid of hatred – The blood of hatred fades to let the grass grow green again, and let the flowers be all white and sparkling in the summer sun.” – Meditations From A Course In Miracles
It’s amazing how much hatred one can bare in the soul without realizing they have done so. The mantra I developed for this was “…blood of hatred fade, let the grass grow green and the flowers be all white.” This eventually led me to a mantra that I had developed from one of my counseling sessions years ago: “Breathe in love, acceptance, and friendship. Breathe out hatred, discord, and gossip.”
I started this meditation journey because I felt myself becoming a negative person. Earlier this year, others have noticed my own discord and pointed it out to me. This was not where I wanted to be.
I know I let myself succumb to gossip in the workplace. Steadily, I became irritable, cranky, and I wasn’t happy. I was making poor decisions based on my own self-righteous assumptions. Because of this, I lost good connections and now suffer with resentment. I must have carried this to my next employ since it did not work out the way I had hoped it would.
I had made work my life and allowed it to enter my personal life. Everything that had happened at work became personal for me. This was one of the quickest ways for burn-out in the healthcare industry. I knew this, but because I was seeking love, acceptance, and friendship, I accepted gossip, discord and hatred into my life. I need to quit seeking love, acceptance, and friendship and start giving it instead. Now that the ties that kept me bound to toxic friendships have been severed, I have been able to step back and re-evaluate my life.
I have a friend who is kind, compassionate and caring. She seems to have a sense of inner balance and peace even though I know that she has her own turmoil and struggles. She and I became friends after I had already started my own path to enlightenment. Since then she has been a model for me in commitment to her spiritual and physical health. Where I am weak in certain areas and give in, she is strong and continues to forge ahead. She is my inspiration and a great role model, and I am so thrilled to have her in my life.
She is the example of giving of her love, acceptance and friendship even though she seeks it herself. She has learned to balance this. I know that one day I will be able to balance this as well. For now, I will continue to learn the lessons along the way.