“On not banking on future happiness – Be not content with future happiness. It has no meaning, and is not your just reward. For you have cause for freedom now.” – Meditations From A Course In Miracles
It has always been with me, banking on future happiness. It seems that since I was a child:
- If Mommy leaves Daddy, then we will be happy
- If I graduate from high school and live on my own, then I will be happy
- If I marry and have children, then I will be happy
- If I live alone, then I will be happy
- If I get a full-time job, then I will be happy
- If my husband could get a well-paying job, then we would be happy
- If I can get pregnant, then I will be happy.
The truth is I am never really happy. Instead, I rely on my future happiness based on outcomes I cannot control. When the result comes to pass, I find myself more miserable than before.
These naïve thoughts started in my childhood and continued to perpetuate into a full-blown cycle of committing my happiness to my future only to be disappointed or to discover that I was still miserable. Unfortunately, these continue to grow, hindering my efforts for true happiness and leaving me shackled and bound to my own miserable existence.
Imagine being at peace, living in the moment, and finding true happiness. Chains would not hold me back from this luxurious freedom. So, why do I feel like a heavy weight is on my shoulders, and it keeps dragging me down?
It’s because, without this vision of future happiness, I would lose my strength and will to survive the tragedies that had occurred in my life. Banking on my future happiness has kept me alive and breathing, willing to wake up the following day to greet the sun. This is where I have pooled my strength, day after day, for the last 30-some-odd years of my life.
Where would I pull my strength from now, especially when things look so dismal?
I am unsure, which is why I am on this path, to learn and find a new place to draw strength from, a place that will end the perpetual cycle of banking on future happiness. I will undoubtedly continue to thrive on my future happiness. But I can take steps to ensure that I don’t rely on it as much anymore, taking each day moment by moment and enjoying the freedom from all cares and worries. To be free!